The daily grind (or, how I’m trying to avoid another surgery on my gums)

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Once a year, I have to go see my periodontal surgeon. It’s an appointment I dread, because I’m afraid I’m going to be told that my teeth-grinding has continued to such a degree that I once again need surgery (of the free gingival graft variety — where tissue is taken from the roof of the mouth and grafted to your gum line, which has receded because you grind your teeth so much that the action erodes your gums over time).

Today was my appointment for 2011.

I wrote a blog post a while back about clenching (“‘Rarely do we clench just one thing‘”). Even though I think about clenching pretty frequently, I have to say I really thought about it a lot today, and I also thought about it yesterday, during a daylong Ashtanga yoga retreat hosted by Angela Jamison of Ashtanga Yoga: Ann Arbor.  There was a point when the discussion got to how the Ashtanga yoga system can affect your daily habits — how it can even make you so present, and so transparent, that you don’t have spaces in the body to hold things — things like tension and negative emotions.

I can’t imagine what that would feel like — to experience tension and let it just slide off you because there aren’t nooks and crannies in your body into which you would squirrel that stuff as a way of packing it away.

Do you know how where you pack your stuff?

I hold most of my tension in my neck and shoulders. There is this one spot in my right upper back in particular that seems to serve as the reservoir for all my stress run-off. Even yoga doesn’t always provide relief, and when it comes to that, I seek refuge in my acupuncturist’s office — so that she can turn the needle in that spot to open the value and release some of the pressure.

Obviously, I take a fair amount of stress into my jaw as well. I bear down, I lock and I grind. Daily.

On a professional and personal level, the amount of stress in my life has decreased substantially since 2008, when I had my gum surgery. Since that time, I’ve also upped the frequency of, and my commitment to, my Ashtanga practice.

Has it helped? I hope so. I figured I would have at least one black-and-white measure depending on what happened today.

The appointment began the same way it does every time. My surgeon, who is not only a sweetheart but is also extremely good at what she does, examines each tooth and rattles off a number to her assistant. “Three, three, three, two one.” I don’t even know how her assistant writes it all down fast enough. “One, one, one, three, three, three…”

Years after my surgery, I still don’t know what the numbers mean — because I don’t want to know. When I’m in the chair and until my surgeon gives the overall prognosis, I hold my breath and tense up all over. Thank goodness she is thoughtful enough to invest in fantastic dental chairs equipped with massagers for the back, because that helps a bit with the tension.

Happily, I survived another appointment. I left with a clean bill of health. I need to continue to wear my mouth guard every night, but I made it another year without the threat of surgery. Is it all due to the mouth guard? Luck? Genes? Yoga? Less overall stress in my life? Probably a combination of all of the above.

I hope, however, that I’ll be less dependent on all of those factors by the time my appointment rolls around next year. I hope I’ll be a little closer to being able to not only conceptualize but to also experience, in my own body, what it means to not have any place to stash stress and hard emotions.

(Photo credit: “Equine Dentistry” via Flickr Creative Commons (photostream of pmarkham))

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‘Rarely do we clench just one thing.’

 

X-ray of a mouth

Clenched teeth, clenched mind?

Pattabhi Jois apparently used to say, “Clenched toes, clenched mind.” Especially in standing balancing postures such as utthita hasta padangustasana (extended hand-to-big-toe posture), the toes of our grounded foot may be clawing into our mats without us realizing it — as if digging in will help us balance. It’s quite the opposite, right? It takes strength to believe that letting go of a tightening action will be liberating. It takes strength to trust that if we let go of what we believe is anchoring us, another source of stability — a more genuine source of stability — will present itself.

In his beautiful book The Heart of Yoga, T.K.V. Desikachar tells us:

Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra describes an asana as having two important qualities: sthira and sukha. Sthira is steadiness and alertness. Sukha refers to the ability to remain comfortable in a posture. Both qualities should be present to the same degree when practicing any posture. (p. 17)

Whether we’re dealing with a career or personal passions, family or friendships, there are times when nothing could be harder to achieve than this feeling of sthira sukha. What seems to happen far more frequently than the perfect balance between strength and surrender is tightening up or drilling down.

Hilltop Yoga owner Hilaire Lockwood has for years worked on helping me release the tension in my shoulders and trapezius, the muscle starting at the base of the occipital bone. Even after an adjustment, when I think I have let go, she points out how much more I have held on to, and coaxes my body and mind to let go of just a little more. (For the record, I also clench my butt in postures such as setu bandha (bridge posture).) During very stressful times, my muscles tighten so much I worry if they’ll ever loosen again. But even during less stressful times of my life, those muscles are so trained that they don’t seem to ever truly release. I’m pretty sure it will take still more years for me to relinquish the hold I have over my holds.

I was recently telling Sue Forbes, co-owner of Mindful Movement and Physical Therapy in East Lansing, about all my clenching habits. It’s not shoulders or the gluteus maximus we’re talking about here. I recounted how, at 31, I was told I had so eroded my gums through grinding my teeth that I had the gums of someone twice my age, which required surgery to graft tissue to my gums. (The surgery is about as fun as it sounds.) Sue smiled and nodded. “Rarely do we clench just one thing,” she said.

Yoga is premised on the concept that there is a natural and profound connection between the body, mind and spirit. The clenching that we habitualize — is it only physical? In yoga, we use the body to get beyond the body. We use the body as a way to still the fluctuations of the mind and to tap into what keeps our spirit going. I find it fascinating to start with the clenching I feel in my own body and work inward. Can I trace the tightening of this part of my body to a particular work project that I’m stressed about? Or maybe I can follow the tracing the other way — if I let go of a particular memory about a past relationship, what, if anything, might let go in my body?

And what about beliefs? Is that a type of clenching? The Ashtanga series present posture after posture that seem impossible when we first start to practice. But we learn, over time, that through the guidance of an experienced teacher and through consistent practice, we eventually melt into those postures when the time is right.

Maybe telling yourself, “I’ll never be able to do this posture” is just another form of clenching. If that’s the case, consistently practicing Ashtanga can be considered a counterpose of sorts — what we do to counterbalance a previous pose in order to bring the body, mind and spirit into balance.

(Photo credit: The Full Wiki)